Thursday, May 26, 2011

Song Shows His Tears For Me

My husband and I were very fan on music. Every music we play or we like has a meaning for each of us, especially when it reflects to our feelings for each other. A week before everything had happened, I gave him the music of love that shows my devotion for him such as, Cherish the Treasure and When God Made You. These are wonderful music that tells him how much thankful and amaze I am when he came into my life. He just smile and asked if I love him. And I said, “Yes, too much.” He asked again why?, and I said ‘ I don’t know. I just know I love you so much. And he said, “ goodnight baby.” I need to sleep. He fly a kiss for me even on the video Skype, and sleep. Kissing through video Skype is what we always do.


A night before he admitted, we had a talked about everything such reminiscing our days when we back together, the moment that we’re together and the exciting future that we would have, especially the coming of our first wedding anniversary. He plan everything like we gonna eat in a fine dining restaurant for that day or maybe in a cruiser. He also told me that he gonna throw a party for my home. Even Pat the girl next door was excited for that announcement. We were so excited.

After a little while on that same night, he played a song. At first I don’t understand because it is somewhat a rock music. Somewhat noisy to listen for me, since I have less interest on such kind of play. However, it is not about the beating of the music that my husband wants to share on me, but its meaning and its intention to show his feelings for me. It is the Cherry Pie song. I asked him, “My Love what music is that? I don’t like its beating, its noisy.” and he said with excitement. “That’s about you. That’s all about you on how a grown man like me cry for you.” I felt sorry why I don’t understand the song. And I just said, thank you my Love. I love you so much, and he said. I love you too.



The music that he played shows his tears for me. Yeah, he really wants me to know how much he loves me. And I believe on him, even without playing that song. But he always make it sure that he expresses his feelings in any ways specifically in music. Here’s the lyrics of Cherry Pie song that I want to share to you too
;

Cherry Pie lyrics
Songwriters: Turner, E; Cagle, J; Chamberlin, S; Dixon, J; Lane, J;


Dirty, rotten, filthy, stinkin’
She’s my cherry pie
Cool drink of water such a sweet surprise
Taste so good make a grown man cry
Sweet cherry pie, yeah

Woaw

Well, swingin’ on the front porch, swingin’ on the lawn
Swingin’ where we want ’cause there ain’t nobody home
Swingin’ to the left and swingin’ to the right
I think about baseball, swing all night, yeah
Yeah, yeah

Huh, swingin’ in the livin’ room, swingin’ in the kitchen
Most folks don’t ’cause they’re too busy bitchin’
Swingin’ in there ’cause she wanted me to feed her
So I mixed up the batter and she licked the beater

I scream, you scream we all scream for her
Don’t even try ’cause you can’t ignore her
She’s my cherry pie
Cool drink of water such a sweet surprise
Tastes so good make a grown man cry

Sweet cherry pie, oh yeah
She’s my cherry pie
Put a smile on your face ten miles wide
Looks so good bring a tear to your eye
Sweet cherry pie, yeah

Swingin’ to the drums, swingin’ to guitar
Swingin’ to the bass in the back of my car
[. From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/w/warrant-lyrics/cherry-pie-lyrics.html .]
Ain’t got money, ain’t got no gas
But we’ll get where we’re goin’ if we swing real fast

I scream, you scream we all scream for her
Don’t even try ’cause you can’t ignore her
She’s my cherry pie
Cool drink of water such a sweet surprise
Tastes so good make a grown man cry
Sweet cherry pie, oh yeah

She’s my cherry pie
Put a smile on your face ten miles wide
Looks so good bring a tear to your eye
Sweet cherry pie, yeah
Pie, yeah

Swing it
All night long
Swing it
(Aow)

I’m a trained professional
Swingin’ in the bathroom, swingin’ on the floor
Swingin’ so hard forgot to lock the door
In walk her daddy standin’ six foot four
Said, “You ain’t gonna swing with my daughter no more”

She’s my cherry pie
Cool drink of water such a sweet surprise
Tastes so good make a grown man cry
Sweet cherry pie, oh yeah
She’s my cherry pie

(Pie)

Put a smile on your face ten miles wide
Looks so good bring a tear to your eye
Sweet cherry pie, sweet cherry pie, yeah
Huh, swing it

I hope you enjoy it, and realize the importance of music in any aspect of life. In such away, you can also use music to express your feelings, just like what me and my husband usually do. It maybe sounds overly dramatize like a soap opera, but with two people who sincrely love to each other, there is no soap opera about it. Sweet Cherry Pie is how my husband thought about me.

Leaving Without Me-Why?

Sometimes, I asked myself why Mike decided to leave before I came. It made me feel so bad, so bad, but it is because maybe am selfish. Mike loves me so much that he and God decided to be home in heaven, before I also be home in our apartment. My heart is full of sorrow. My head aches. My body shivers. My spirit getting weak. How could I live without him. I saw no sunshine. The world is so dark.


I tried to sleep in the couch where I saw everyday, him sleeping while I was still in the Philippines, through Skype video. But I could not feel relax nor sleepy. Now, I moved to our room and lay down on the bed that he prepared for me, new one just for me and him. Yeah, my body is relax, but sleepiness is nowhere to find. I can’t sleep, tears are still falling. My Love, I MISS YOU SO MUCH.

His true Love is all the reasons, why he left without me

Maybe, you could not understand, but I do. God knew that he really needs to go home. And he knew that I can’t handle it if I am there. He knew that I would never let him go. He don’t want me to cry . He still thinking the best thing for me even in the last breath of his life. Isn’t that sweet? He is so sweet, so careful of my feelings, and maybe that also be the reason why he cried. I saw tears running in his eyes, when I saw him. My Love, I will be fine, maybe right now, you saw me crying, and its because I am hurt. I LOVE YOU VERY VERY MUCH, but I will be fine. God will take good care of me.

In our apartment, he prepared me rice already, foods stocks for me, water purifier because he knew that I don’t like cold water. I have several clothes he bought, hanged already. New shower heads and everything that he thought I needed. God and him planned everything before He brought him home. My travels and everything. Even providing people to comfort me while I am in deep sorrow. Mike sister, brother, daughter Trish, son Marcus, grandchildren, family and friends are coming, ready to help me. God is so good. My husband is so nice. That must be one of his request before he agreed to go home. His love for me is only the reason why he left without me.

Right now, am trying to understand everything. Understanding would be the best way to lead me to acceptance. I saw the scenario of everything unexpectedly happened. I saw the planned sketches by God and him. All things work together for good to those who love God. God and Mike will help me to be strong. I know it in my heart. I just don’t know when I stop crying, even I somewhat understand it now.

I realize likewise, that if I was allowed to stay with him before it happened, really it would be very hard for me. Because I could see him every corner of this house, and remember always the things we surely do together. I can’t stand it. Imagining that I can’t handle laying down or look on the couch he used to sleep everyday, while waiting on my coming. He’s so nice. He do not want me to suffer to much while living in our apartment without him. He just wants me to remember the beautiful memories we had, while he was with me in the Philippines. God is so good for us. He gave us all the opportunity to be happy together before He brought Mike home. To be in each others. God is just always fair.

Its so wonderful to think how God made these things through. He planned everything so swiftly because time was so short. Mike is so wonderful husband that any woman could ask for. God made my life happy and complete through him, and am glad that Mike always told me that He is happy with me. His love for me is only the reason why he left me, and be with God without me.

All Things Work Together For Good

Few days from now would be our 1st Wedding Anniversary. Me and my husband have lots of plan about it. It would be a great event in our lives together as we thought. We count the days for that, even my coming here in his place. In my culture, counting days or planning things in advance, as if you control everything is not good. We called it “Nagbilang ng sisiw kahit itoy itlog pa, (counting chicks from an eggs. It might be true or it might not.


Many months ago, you did not hear me writing. It is because I was too occupied for my husband, rather than writing. He visited me in the Philippines, December 2010 to April 5, 2011. One time my husband asked me, “Why did you not writing articles anymore? Are you tired now?” I really do want to, but I have too many things to write that I don’t already know what comes first. I draft a lot, but nothing is finished. It was so nice to rather lay down with my husband, my head in his arms and talking lots of things, as if there is no more tomorrow. I felt like I miss him everyday, even he was just by my side.

During his stay with me, I made sure that I don’t let pass the every opportunity I got to tell him, how much I love him. I kiss him a lot and hug him tight, making sure that he really was with me. I cook him foods he likes and sometimes he did not like he he he, but he always choose to eat it, to not to hurt my feelings. He corrected my cooking, but most of the time we ate outside like in Mc Donald and other good restaurant. We really had a great time together. Very great.

We also stayed with my parents for 3 months. I knew, he almost can’t stand the climate in my place but he did for my sake, while waiting for my visa to get here in Arkansas. We prayed a lot, even some of my pastors help, to pray for the release of my visa, but time sometimes is unfair. He needs to come back without me for some serious reason. A month later, I got the visa and, I am now here in his apartment. He prepared this for me, with my dress he bought hanged in the dressing room. Our bed, my foods and everything he thought I needed.

I am now in our apartment, physically alone. My husband said goodbye with tears in his eyes. God took him already before I came. It is so sad. My heart bleeding badly. The Pain running from my sole, spine and throughout my body. It shaken me so hard. Don’t know what to say. Don’t know what to think, but just to cry. I don’t want to see anything. Just want to close my eyes, and yeah that made me felt better. The world is so dark. Families, friends and everyone coming and said, “It will be alright”. I know, just don’t know when.

I know how to survive, I mean I know in the other side of my mind, I can do it. Soooner I can, maybe? “God please help me” is the only thing I can think. And whispering to my heart, about how much I love my husband. I miss him terribly, but he needs to go to be free from pain. He’s hurting so much a long long time ago. God sets him free from suffering already. I know it hurts me, and to everyone that loved him, but we need to let him go with God. In heaven, he no more hurts, no more problems and no more suffering. Yeah, I should think that way. That’s the best thing for him to be truly happy. He has done things for me. He made the best thing for me already, even in the last beating of his heart. Honey, I love you so much.

In the new phase of my life, its again an adventure. I don’t know what lies ahead. But I know, God is just right here by my side. There is always light at the end of the darkness. What a lovely words from a certain song. All things work together for good to those who love God, who are the called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28) Before this thing happened, we already talked about it, that if something happens in our lives, we just think the purposes of God.

God made a way to bring me and Mike together again, and that was why our wedding on June 28, 2010 was done. Friends, pastors and families were so happy for us with that moment. I was so happy, because after 10 years that we been parted, our Lord held us together. Now, he is gone leaving me alone in this dark world. Would I say, it is still God’s plan? I will say yes, maybe I didn’t see the hint, but I know in my heart, God is too good to be mistaken. In Job 1:20, one of my favorites verses, it says how we came to this world. How God gave, and how He would take away everything. I still always praise God.

God, I love you so much. Thank you for giving Mike a place in heaven free from pains, problems and with perfect happiness. We are so happy that you held our lives together. Thank you for making me part of his life. He is the love of my life, the joy of my heart, and the very person that made my faith in you stronger. You are my Lord, the master of my fate. You know better that I am. Right now, I may in deep sorrow and pain, but I know you just here by my side. The pain is unbearable but with your blood I may heal, not instantly but I will. You are so good. All the time, you are good God.

Our first anniversary, he might not with me but in my heart, he is always will. God and him will celebrate that day with me. Honey, I miss you so much. I love you, Mike forever. I will not say goodbye, same way that you did not said goodbye on me. Never that you said goodbye on me. We will see each other my Love, in God’s time. I will take care of myself, Love because I know you do not want me to be sad and sorrow. I will be strong in the Lord.

False Alarm – Please Try Again Later

Another one of the best gifts that any woman could have from the Lord, is her ability to have a baby. It brings her happiness to see her own flesh, and to receive the bundle of joy which God has entrusted to her and her husband. Every woman should dream of giving birth either a baby boy or girl. Rarely is it that a woman would reject this opportunity, and do not want to have a baby.


After my wedding, of course, I fully expected to have a baby, especially considering my age, which is critical in the ability to get pregnant. I am older, and according to some medical explanations, a woman who is more than thirty can be experience a hard time bearing a child. What a sad theory, yet somehow Sarah, the wife of Abraham, got pregnant at the age of ninety, huh! Well, I am not saying that I am as blessed as Sarah, but then God is so merciful that He will bless His people according to His plan. Thus, having a baby despite of my age is under God’s control, and His will. Just keep on trying, (smile).

I was so excited in counting the days after my wedding since, because it was also the last day of menstruation. I was really expecting that I would get pregnant, especially since a month later I have no menstruation yet. I was VERY exited! However, it turned out I was just delayed for four or five days. I felt so sad and down when my period started. But guess what, even though I had my period, I wasn’t convinced yet that I was not really pregnant. I was still thinking that I had a baby, especially since I felt dizzy, nauseated and all the other feelings that I bear a child. I was so paranoid that time, that I even bought a pregnancy test pack. But oh! it was a negative result. Yeah, my step daughter is right. I was just stressful.

Getting pregnant is not easy, according to some experienced mothers. There are times that you will vomit, feel dizzy and other things that can be difficult for the expecting mother. My sisters told me that it is best to get pregnant when your husband is going to be there for the whole time. Patricia, my husband’s daughter told me told me the same thing. That was so comforting somehow with all my depression and frustration after knowing that I was not pregnant. Moreover, I am still, and will always be, thankful to God despite of the negative result. Maybe, its not about time yet to have a baby. Only God knows the best for me and for my husband.

“False alarm!”, that was what I called it. But I will never lose hope on my dream to have a baby. As long as you still have your monthly period, and some extra care of yourself; the possibility of getting pregnant is very much possible. Friends and some articles giving information about how to get pregnant are a good source for study, on getting into it. Such as eating the right food, proper exercise, diet and even taking pills that may protect and develop the womb to make it easier to pregnant.

Never give up your longing to have your own baby. That is the very essence of a woman. Anyhow, if you’re not able to, do not question or blame God. In everything there is a reason. If it is not meant for you to get pregnant, it’s does not mean that you are not blessed. It just means God has a different purpose for your life. He is too right to be mistaken, too good to be unkind to you.


Keep On Trying!!!