Storm Over The Rainbow

Whosover think for the things you do not want to happen? Especially when you are in the peak of excitement, or happines that you and your behalf will be together at last, after many days or nights longing to be in each others arms. The only thing that we wish is to be side by side, together resolving problesm that might come, or hand in hand facing any strom to come. We don't wish for richness, but only God to lead us to have, maybe not a perfect home, but a family whom Jesus is the foundation.

Right now, I know and laready understand why this thing happened between me and my husband, but my heart is struggling to realize it. anyone could blame me if my heart denyiing it? I never expect things like this. We both are excited with the day of my arrival to his own place. He is or was excited to show me his way of living, his beautiful place with beautiful people he lived with.

Looking back, we were so amazed with things happened to our lives. It was seems unbelievable for us that after so many years of waiting and wanting each other, love moves for us with the blessing of our Almighty God. we were so happy that it seems only me and him exisiting in this world. We don't mind what other may thing or say about our extra sweetness, and vocal on what we felt for each other. He loves me. I love him. We love each other unconditionally.

When we are together. everyone seems looking at us, because they saw how love is too obvious in our faces. We don't see ugly things in our surrounding. Always are beautiful to us. Rain seems sunshine, and night is like a day. There are no storms, just rainbows. No dark sky, but with stars hanging to shine our world. Only lovely things we have seen through a colorful sky in our own small world, not until the storm comes across the rainbow.

Everything has changed. The world is so dark, except a lit shines at the end of the tunnel. It is the light of God assured me to follow it, and be out from this dark world.

The storm is over the rainbow. It covers its beautiful colors of red, or orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo or violet? What a beautiful spectrum of colors that suddenly vanish because on a kind of storm. But storm is so natural. God controls it. He let it to happen to renew the beauty of the earth. Is God wants to renew me also? Who can ask Him, when you knew that He will never be mistaken, or if you know that He is a perfect God? There is always a purpose that I might not have seen it right now. Yet, ahead of time there is a light at the end of the darkness.
It is a strong storm that covers our rainbow. Colors are become black that seems no bright reflection at all. Sun was hidden, even the stars in the night are nowhere. My heart is so pale, and grieving even I know, everything is temporary. I never know when our rainbow will come again. God is just watching me, with my husband looking down at me too. God know when to stop my tears, and it comfort me somehow that my beloved behalf is perfectly happy with him. Happiness that no one can give, even me but God. His arms are wide open accepting Mike in heaven. How my heart aches when I know he is in the perfect place? Am I too selfish?

Time heals, and am willing to wait that moment when God make my heart happy again. If when He will let my heart sings again, or to see that beautiful rainbow with an awe of His greatness. Let my heart mourning, just I let the storm passes through my sky. Let my tears rain just when the sky waters the dry land. After this storm over our rainbow, beautiful sky ways will appear in the wilderness.

God understands everything that happened to me, yet my heart is too broken to accept the reality. But He will mend it, through His grace and mercy. No one can tell, just Him to when to stop the storm over the rainbow that me and my husband had. No one can tell. God bless.

Never Ask Diamond Nor Gold

Surely you heard the song,”Billionaire” by Mars Bruno. In the Philippines, it is very popular and everyone loves it, even me. The beat is good though there are words which inappropriate to listen, especially with the kids. It says how being a billionaire can do in human's life. But what I like this rap song is that, it is easy to hum or easy to remember.


Every time I sing the first line that says, “I wanna be a billionaire”, my husband will say, “Too bad you already married on me.” and we just laugh together. I told him many times that I don't want to be rich. It is enough for me that we will be together in many years, with God as the head of our family. We just really want a simple life together. We both knew that.

One day when the tornado hit Arkansas, he asked me about what shall I do, if this kind of disaster hit his house. My response was that, I want you to be alive when that tornado comes to our home. Tornado can take anything we had, anything and everything but not you. Its only materials and we can have it again with God's grace and mercy. The end of the materials is not the end of our lives. He smiled at me, and says how much he loves me, and I told him he is more than anything to me. I added to our conversation about, “All things work together for good (Romans 8:28).” Besides, I used to have a very simple life. Using firewood for cooking, laying down in a hard floor and using kerosene lamp at night. All my concern is him. He never experience the life I had. Its my husband who changed my way of living, though I keep my feet on the ground.

Sometimes, he shared with me his worries about the government shut down in the US. He ask my opinion what to do, and I told him that I will cry in front of the VA to keep his medicine, and I will work hard for us. If we can have Mayah Wren, that's the name that we are preparing for a daughter if we can have, Mayah Wren Sullivan (MWS). We agreed that he's the one to watch her, while I am at work. And I will just ready anything she and him needed. Marcus William Sullivan (MWS) our other son can also help him to watch the baby. That was so funny, we already talked about any possibility, but never about his going home with God.

Mike Wayne Sullivan (MWS), a man with honor, and with humble spirit. He always ask me what I want, but I always answer him nothing, but him to be by my side. I never asked him diamond nor gold, but knowing my husband, he is always providing any thing he thought I needed. He always surprise me, by buying something, I never ask. He even asked my friends to check what I needed, because I never told him what it is. He only want the best for me, no matter how hard maybe for him to do. There is no other man like him anymore.

If God give me a chance to choose between richness, or citizenship or my husband. God knew that I will choose my husband. That's why there is no option given because His plan is to finally bring my husband home, and make him happy forever. Yeah, we are happy together but problems are still there bothering us.

I never ask diamond nor gold, but my husband gave that to me, before I know I have it already. He is a good provider. He always see to it that his loved ones has everything to eat, to use and all. He never been selfish, because he always thought the best for everyone he loves.

My Love, I could never found an exact word to say who you are, and what I am to you. But as always, You are
the man that I will treasure in my heart forever. You're the best father, husband and a friend.

Keep Watch On Your Valuable Belongings

My Husband is an observant person. He sees a lot of things surrounded us. He even sees something in my personality, either he likes it or not. He never says anything, except about his love for me, and how much he likes me the way I am.


Being a sensitive and inquisitive person, he even noticed that all taxicle in my province Bohol, bearing words about God. He said that he never seen a taxicle that does not printed with Bible verses and phrases about God. But he added by saying, “Drivers seems religious to think that way, but sometimes they drive even under the influence of alcohol.” My husband is so funny, but it is true, sometimes. That thing is invisible to me. I never noticed that, even I grew up in Bohol, my province. I overlooked those things, but not with Mike. Taxicle anyway is the means of transportation anywhere in Bohol. It is a motorcycle attached with a cab, where only 2 or 3 persons can ride.

But my story is not all about taxicle. Its only a notion that I want to give to you about how my husband is so observant of everything, from small to big thing. He is such a brilliant man. He is alert and wants to know everything like why, where, who, what and how. He can be a good writer though.

One day when we were in Tagbilaran City, the only city of Bohol, Philippines, we ate our breakfast in our favorite fast food chain, MC Donald. And while waiting for our order he unexpectedly told me like, “Mmmm, so I will keep watch on you.” I was surprised and asked what? And he pointed to me that reminders written on the wall that says, “Please keep watch on your valuable belongings. He added and hold my hands saying that I am his valuable belongings that he should keep watching on me, in every way and situation. That is so sweet to my husband that it made me cry. He told me not to cry because people might think, he hurts me. But that is not what they could see, because we held our hands together firmly.

Maybe, my husband is not physically with me anymore, but I know he just watching me. That's his promise to me that he will keep watching me in every ways and situation. He knew that I am right now in a very hard or difficult situation. However, remembering his words that he will watch me is a comforting truth. I cling to that promise and I know it is true. Added to that I know that God and him is talking about me. And God will never forsake me. He loves and hugs those people with a broken heart.

Right now am still grieving and tears keep falling from my eyes. I don't know until when, but like what cousin Chris Heitzman (first cousin of my husband) said. It will stop when God says, “okay that's enough.” Wow, what a nice statement from another person who cares and understand my situation.

God is good all the time. And he comforted me in so many ways. He said, “All things work together for good. Romans 8:28. He protects me from risk while I am so down and depress. He provides people to stand for me, through the family of my husband, friends, my family and my friends too. They're blessings to me.

Moreover, before anything else happen, God told Mike to tell me, and assures me that God and him will keep watching me, because I am a valuable belongings to God and to my husband. I am more than a sparrow and anything in this world. It is a comforting truth that gives me inspiration to live on and be strong, in the midst of my weaknesses. God is so good to me. And my husband's love for me is so real, regardless of who I am. With all my heart and mind, Thank you so much Lord, with your merciful love, and the opportunity you gave for me and Mike. Its more than anything I have in my life, and in this world.

Please keep watch on your valuable belongings. A phrase that I hope other people will also apply to their every walk of life. In such a way, you can tell your loved ones, how valuable they are to you. Before it might be too late, let them know.

Song Shows His Tears For Me

My husband and I were very fan on music. Every music we play or we like has a meaning for each of us, especially when it reflects to our feelings for each other. A week before everything had happened, I gave him the music of love that shows my devotion for him such as, Cherish the Treasure and When God Made You. These are wonderful music that tells him how much thankful and amaze I am when he came into my life. He just smile and asked if I love him. And I said, “Yes, too much.” He asked again why?, and I said ‘ I don’t know. I just know I love you so much. And he said, “ goodnight baby.” I need to sleep. He fly a kiss for me even on the video Skype, and sleep. Kissing through video Skype is what we always do.


A night before he admitted, we had a talked about everything such reminiscing our days when we back together, the moment that we’re together and the exciting future that we would have, especially the coming of our first wedding anniversary. He plan everything like we gonna eat in a fine dining restaurant for that day or maybe in a cruiser. He also told me that he gonna throw a party for my home. Even Pat the girl next door was excited for that announcement. We were so excited.

After a little while on that same night, he played a song. At first I don’t understand because it is somewhat a rock music. Somewhat noisy to listen for me, since I have less interest on such kind of play. However, it is not about the beating of the music that my husband wants to share on me, but its meaning and its intention to show his feelings for me. It is the Cherry Pie song. I asked him, “My Love what music is that? I don’t like its beating, its noisy.” and he said with excitement. “That’s about you. That’s all about you on how a grown man like me cry for you.” I felt sorry why I don’t understand the song. And I just said, thank you my Love. I love you so much, and he said. I love you too.



The music that he played shows his tears for me. Yeah, he really wants me to know how much he loves me. And I believe on him, even without playing that song. But he always make it sure that he expresses his feelings in any ways specifically in music. Here’s the lyrics of Cherry Pie song that I want to share to you too
;

Cherry Pie lyrics
Songwriters: Turner, E; Cagle, J; Chamberlin, S; Dixon, J; Lane, J;


Dirty, rotten, filthy, stinkin’
She’s my cherry pie
Cool drink of water such a sweet surprise
Taste so good make a grown man cry
Sweet cherry pie, yeah

Woaw

Well, swingin’ on the front porch, swingin’ on the lawn
Swingin’ where we want ’cause there ain’t nobody home
Swingin’ to the left and swingin’ to the right
I think about baseball, swing all night, yeah
Yeah, yeah

Huh, swingin’ in the livin’ room, swingin’ in the kitchen
Most folks don’t ’cause they’re too busy bitchin’
Swingin’ in there ’cause she wanted me to feed her
So I mixed up the batter and she licked the beater

I scream, you scream we all scream for her
Don’t even try ’cause you can’t ignore her
She’s my cherry pie
Cool drink of water such a sweet surprise
Tastes so good make a grown man cry

Sweet cherry pie, oh yeah
She’s my cherry pie
Put a smile on your face ten miles wide
Looks so good bring a tear to your eye
Sweet cherry pie, yeah

Swingin’ to the drums, swingin’ to guitar
Swingin’ to the bass in the back of my car
[. From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/w/warrant-lyrics/cherry-pie-lyrics.html .]
Ain’t got money, ain’t got no gas
But we’ll get where we’re goin’ if we swing real fast

I scream, you scream we all scream for her
Don’t even try ’cause you can’t ignore her
She’s my cherry pie
Cool drink of water such a sweet surprise
Tastes so good make a grown man cry
Sweet cherry pie, oh yeah

She’s my cherry pie
Put a smile on your face ten miles wide
Looks so good bring a tear to your eye
Sweet cherry pie, yeah
Pie, yeah

Swing it
All night long
Swing it
(Aow)

I’m a trained professional
Swingin’ in the bathroom, swingin’ on the floor
Swingin’ so hard forgot to lock the door
In walk her daddy standin’ six foot four
Said, “You ain’t gonna swing with my daughter no more”

She’s my cherry pie
Cool drink of water such a sweet surprise
Tastes so good make a grown man cry
Sweet cherry pie, oh yeah
She’s my cherry pie

(Pie)

Put a smile on your face ten miles wide
Looks so good bring a tear to your eye
Sweet cherry pie, sweet cherry pie, yeah
Huh, swing it

I hope you enjoy it, and realize the importance of music in any aspect of life. In such away, you can also use music to express your feelings, just like what me and my husband usually do. It maybe sounds overly dramatize like a soap opera, but with two people who sincrely love to each other, there is no soap opera about it. Sweet Cherry Pie is how my husband thought about me.

Leaving Without Me-Why?

Sometimes, I asked myself why Mike decided to leave before I came. It made me feel so bad, so bad, but it is because maybe am selfish. Mike loves me so much that he and God decided to be home in heaven, before I also be home in our apartment. My heart is full of sorrow. My head aches. My body shivers. My spirit getting weak. How could I live without him. I saw no sunshine. The world is so dark.


I tried to sleep in the couch where I saw everyday, him sleeping while I was still in the Philippines, through Skype video. But I could not feel relax nor sleepy. Now, I moved to our room and lay down on the bed that he prepared for me, new one just for me and him. Yeah, my body is relax, but sleepiness is nowhere to find. I can’t sleep, tears are still falling. My Love, I MISS YOU SO MUCH.

His true Love is all the reasons, why he left without me

Maybe, you could not understand, but I do. God knew that he really needs to go home. And he knew that I can’t handle it if I am there. He knew that I would never let him go. He don’t want me to cry . He still thinking the best thing for me even in the last breath of his life. Isn’t that sweet? He is so sweet, so careful of my feelings, and maybe that also be the reason why he cried. I saw tears running in his eyes, when I saw him. My Love, I will be fine, maybe right now, you saw me crying, and its because I am hurt. I LOVE YOU VERY VERY MUCH, but I will be fine. God will take good care of me.

In our apartment, he prepared me rice already, foods stocks for me, water purifier because he knew that I don’t like cold water. I have several clothes he bought, hanged already. New shower heads and everything that he thought I needed. God and him planned everything before He brought him home. My travels and everything. Even providing people to comfort me while I am in deep sorrow. Mike sister, brother, daughter Trish, son Marcus, grandchildren, family and friends are coming, ready to help me. God is so good. My husband is so nice. That must be one of his request before he agreed to go home. His love for me is only the reason why he left without me.

Right now, am trying to understand everything. Understanding would be the best way to lead me to acceptance. I saw the scenario of everything unexpectedly happened. I saw the planned sketches by God and him. All things work together for good to those who love God. God and Mike will help me to be strong. I know it in my heart. I just don’t know when I stop crying, even I somewhat understand it now.

I realize likewise, that if I was allowed to stay with him before it happened, really it would be very hard for me. Because I could see him every corner of this house, and remember always the things we surely do together. I can’t stand it. Imagining that I can’t handle laying down or look on the couch he used to sleep everyday, while waiting on my coming. He’s so nice. He do not want me to suffer to much while living in our apartment without him. He just wants me to remember the beautiful memories we had, while he was with me in the Philippines. God is so good for us. He gave us all the opportunity to be happy together before He brought Mike home. To be in each others. God is just always fair.

Its so wonderful to think how God made these things through. He planned everything so swiftly because time was so short. Mike is so wonderful husband that any woman could ask for. God made my life happy and complete through him, and am glad that Mike always told me that He is happy with me. His love for me is only the reason why he left me, and be with God without me.

All Things Work Together For Good

Few days from now would be our 1st Wedding Anniversary. Me and my husband have lots of plan about it. It would be a great event in our lives together as we thought. We count the days for that, even my coming here in his place. In my culture, counting days or planning things in advance, as if you control everything is not good. We called it “Nagbilang ng sisiw kahit itoy itlog pa, (counting chicks from an eggs. It might be true or it might not.


Many months ago, you did not hear me writing. It is because I was too occupied for my husband, rather than writing. He visited me in the Philippines, December 2010 to April 5, 2011. One time my husband asked me, “Why did you not writing articles anymore? Are you tired now?” I really do want to, but I have too many things to write that I don’t already know what comes first. I draft a lot, but nothing is finished. It was so nice to rather lay down with my husband, my head in his arms and talking lots of things, as if there is no more tomorrow. I felt like I miss him everyday, even he was just by my side.

During his stay with me, I made sure that I don’t let pass the every opportunity I got to tell him, how much I love him. I kiss him a lot and hug him tight, making sure that he really was with me. I cook him foods he likes and sometimes he did not like he he he, but he always choose to eat it, to not to hurt my feelings. He corrected my cooking, but most of the time we ate outside like in Mc Donald and other good restaurant. We really had a great time together. Very great.

We also stayed with my parents for 3 months. I knew, he almost can’t stand the climate in my place but he did for my sake, while waiting for my visa to get here in Arkansas. We prayed a lot, even some of my pastors help, to pray for the release of my visa, but time sometimes is unfair. He needs to come back without me for some serious reason. A month later, I got the visa and, I am now here in his apartment. He prepared this for me, with my dress he bought hanged in the dressing room. Our bed, my foods and everything he thought I needed.

I am now in our apartment, physically alone. My husband said goodbye with tears in his eyes. God took him already before I came. It is so sad. My heart bleeding badly. The Pain running from my sole, spine and throughout my body. It shaken me so hard. Don’t know what to say. Don’t know what to think, but just to cry. I don’t want to see anything. Just want to close my eyes, and yeah that made me felt better. The world is so dark. Families, friends and everyone coming and said, “It will be alright”. I know, just don’t know when.

I know how to survive, I mean I know in the other side of my mind, I can do it. Soooner I can, maybe? “God please help me” is the only thing I can think. And whispering to my heart, about how much I love my husband. I miss him terribly, but he needs to go to be free from pain. He’s hurting so much a long long time ago. God sets him free from suffering already. I know it hurts me, and to everyone that loved him, but we need to let him go with God. In heaven, he no more hurts, no more problems and no more suffering. Yeah, I should think that way. That’s the best thing for him to be truly happy. He has done things for me. He made the best thing for me already, even in the last beating of his heart. Honey, I love you so much.

In the new phase of my life, its again an adventure. I don’t know what lies ahead. But I know, God is just right here by my side. There is always light at the end of the darkness. What a lovely words from a certain song. All things work together for good to those who love God, who are the called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28) Before this thing happened, we already talked about it, that if something happens in our lives, we just think the purposes of God.

God made a way to bring me and Mike together again, and that was why our wedding on June 28, 2010 was done. Friends, pastors and families were so happy for us with that moment. I was so happy, because after 10 years that we been parted, our Lord held us together. Now, he is gone leaving me alone in this dark world. Would I say, it is still God’s plan? I will say yes, maybe I didn’t see the hint, but I know in my heart, God is too good to be mistaken. In Job 1:20, one of my favorites verses, it says how we came to this world. How God gave, and how He would take away everything. I still always praise God.

God, I love you so much. Thank you for giving Mike a place in heaven free from pains, problems and with perfect happiness. We are so happy that you held our lives together. Thank you for making me part of his life. He is the love of my life, the joy of my heart, and the very person that made my faith in you stronger. You are my Lord, the master of my fate. You know better that I am. Right now, I may in deep sorrow and pain, but I know you just here by my side. The pain is unbearable but with your blood I may heal, not instantly but I will. You are so good. All the time, you are good God.

Our first anniversary, he might not with me but in my heart, he is always will. God and him will celebrate that day with me. Honey, I miss you so much. I love you, Mike forever. I will not say goodbye, same way that you did not said goodbye on me. Never that you said goodbye on me. We will see each other my Love, in God’s time. I will take care of myself, Love because I know you do not want me to be sad and sorrow. I will be strong in the Lord.

False Alarm – Please Try Again Later

Another one of the best gifts that any woman could have from the Lord, is her ability to have a baby. It brings her happiness to see her own flesh, and to receive the bundle of joy which God has entrusted to her and her husband. Every woman should dream of giving birth either a baby boy or girl. Rarely is it that a woman would reject this opportunity, and do not want to have a baby.


After my wedding, of course, I fully expected to have a baby, especially considering my age, which is critical in the ability to get pregnant. I am older, and according to some medical explanations, a woman who is more than thirty can be experience a hard time bearing a child. What a sad theory, yet somehow Sarah, the wife of Abraham, got pregnant at the age of ninety, huh! Well, I am not saying that I am as blessed as Sarah, but then God is so merciful that He will bless His people according to His plan. Thus, having a baby despite of my age is under God’s control, and His will. Just keep on trying, (smile).

I was so excited in counting the days after my wedding since, because it was also the last day of menstruation. I was really expecting that I would get pregnant, especially since a month later I have no menstruation yet. I was VERY exited! However, it turned out I was just delayed for four or five days. I felt so sad and down when my period started. But guess what, even though I had my period, I wasn’t convinced yet that I was not really pregnant. I was still thinking that I had a baby, especially since I felt dizzy, nauseated and all the other feelings that I bear a child. I was so paranoid that time, that I even bought a pregnancy test pack. But oh! it was a negative result. Yeah, my step daughter is right. I was just stressful.

Getting pregnant is not easy, according to some experienced mothers. There are times that you will vomit, feel dizzy and other things that can be difficult for the expecting mother. My sisters told me that it is best to get pregnant when your husband is going to be there for the whole time. Patricia, my husband’s daughter told me told me the same thing. That was so comforting somehow with all my depression and frustration after knowing that I was not pregnant. Moreover, I am still, and will always be, thankful to God despite of the negative result. Maybe, its not about time yet to have a baby. Only God knows the best for me and for my husband.

“False alarm!”, that was what I called it. But I will never lose hope on my dream to have a baby. As long as you still have your monthly period, and some extra care of yourself; the possibility of getting pregnant is very much possible. Friends and some articles giving information about how to get pregnant are a good source for study, on getting into it. Such as eating the right food, proper exercise, diet and even taking pills that may protect and develop the womb to make it easier to pregnant.

Never give up your longing to have your own baby. That is the very essence of a woman. Anyhow, if you’re not able to, do not question or blame God. In everything there is a reason. If it is not meant for you to get pregnant, it’s does not mean that you are not blessed. It just means God has a different purpose for your life. He is too right to be mistaken, too good to be unkind to you.


Keep On Trying!!!