Our First Time Ever, Forever In My Heart

June 16, 2010 (June 16) it was an exciting day for us. When that day was still coming, we both excited and counting the days or nights, hour, minute and second. We felt like days pass very slow, but alas! We had that day. At the airport of Cebu Mactan International Airport midnight. That was our first meeting ever after ten years.

I remember, I was so nervous because most of the passengers are already gone, and him not coming out yet. I was so scared because in my mind, he was running away again from me.(smile). So, I called Patricia if really her Dad was on that plane. And she said, yeah just wait. So, embarrassing. But it takes almost an hour before he came out. And so I told God, “Oh, good Lord not again please. I might not handle the situation anymore if he do it again.” I was so paranoid. But here at last he came out. Wearing with his cowboy hat, boots, black long sleeve. I was so excited that made me cry when I look at him. We’ve kiss but just a smack kiss, and he pressed my left shoulder. And just that and it made me surprise with his reaction. I thought he changed his mind because it seems, he was doubt or hesitant. We ride a taxi went to GV tower hotel, not talking, very silent but with hands clasped together. In my mind, I was almost crying because I was really thought, he changed his mind. When we got to the hotel, he got his medicine bag, and took it without saying anything. And it really made me almost burst into crying. But after his medicine he asked me, “Now, have you changed your mind?” I was surprise with his question because, it is the question that I wanted to ask him even when we were still in the taxi. And I said, oh no, I never never change my mind, Mike. That was my abrupt answer to him.

We were so happy that it never came to our mind about the possible things that might happen to him or me. Him is always careful of me not to be hurt. When riding a car or come cross the street, he always hold me not to be hurt or whatever, especially that honestly am so scared to cross a street. Don’t know how even I know the traffic light signal. And I was or am so careful on him also. We are careful to each other.

I dream last night, and in my dream I called his phone. But there was a cross line, a guy answer on the other line. I was so mad and ask him to put down the other line. But that guy was keep on talking so I decided to put my phone down and called Mike again. Yet, Mike was not there anymore. I just had his answering machine telling me, “Hi, this is Mike Sullivan, I can’t answer the phone right now, but if you leave you name and phone number, I will call you back.” I leave a message for him how much I love and miss him so much. And the rest was crying. I told him that because of the cross line, I missed him on the phone. And telling him sorry a lot, and blaming the cross line.

I don’t know was that dream means. But maybe he heard and saw me crying but because of the separation of the other dimension and the place where I am, we could never talk again. My heart asking for impossible things, and my eyes not ever dried to beg. But one thing that comforted me. At least he is happy now with God.

Our happiest moment together will always be treasured in my heart forever. He’s a good man, a good husband, brother, son and a father. Happy Father’s Day Love. I love you.







 

When God Made You

Its been a year since Mike traveled fifteen thousand miles to see me, and tried to bring me to his place. He never complain how hard it was for him to just sit down in a long airplane ride. He did it with a big smile, as if he conquered the tallest mountain in the world. Against all odds, we did it.

June 18, 2010 that was Friday, the feast that changed our lives together has started. Everything has been prepared such as the paper works, reception and entourage for a simple but with extra ordinary wedding banquet. People involved were busy and ready for a trip going to a place, we've chosen for that special moment. Jovially, we traveled from south to north of Cebu, Philippines for our day to come. June 19, 2010 was the final day of our waiting.
Thrilled with that very day, I never get enough to make myself believe that finally I married the man I've loved for a decade. I wasn't convinced until Pastor Samuel Geroy, with the authority bestowed on him, pronounced us as husband and wife. We promised to love and care to each other before God, the earth, my family and friends. The ocean was so calm, the breeze was cool and a smiling bright sun done their job perfectly, as if they were told by God to be happy for us. Everyone who was there witnessing our moment were so happy too. No one is crying, but just have a big smile except me. I wonder why I cried, but only one thing I am sure enough was that, I was so happy.
Sometimes, when I look back where everything seems impossible for us to be together again, I can see that certainly God made a way for us. Maybe, there were circumstances that might hurt others, but we could not understand God's plan. He has different plan for everybody. A plan that is beyond from human understanding. Imagining those days that we're uncertain with our future, I had a hard time in over coming those emptiness, while Mike struggling to balance his life. I wonder when God made Mike, was He seen me ahead of time?

On our wedding day, we were both happy, unaware on the biggest trial to come in our lives. Our wedding pictures, even those post wedding pictures showed perfect happiness that are too obvious in our smile. Everything was abruptly happened that even me and Mike was surprised. We could never think how things done as if we never do anything to help it. It was flawless, and a true love in a perfect timing.

Our Life Together

Because we came from different side of the world, and due to political system of the country we came from, it is hard for us to be together right away. He needs to get home to start the procedures to bring me with him. However, distance is not a hindrance for us to be in each other. We were very much together regardless of the fifteen thousand miles apart. The high tech communication channel such as Skype video bridge our opposite world. We've seen each other everyday until his surprise returned to Philippines.

Yeah, he is so sweet that even his visit again, he never told me, but just arrive. We spent our first Christmas together, his birthday, my birthday, Valentines day, and the anniversary of our love in a second time around. Yet, time is without mercy. He needs to leave again because of a problem that he must be home. We both crying because of that. He really wants to bring me home, but it was not our control. I don't know why? I could not find the answer why, he needs to be home to the state, and even to God without me. It was so hard for us to be apart again. But he promised me that after these, he will never leave me anymore.

Now, its our Wedding Anniversary. Should I be happy or just pretending as if nothing happen? I could even not able to mention the word about where he is now. My mind knew the truth but my heart is denying it. It is so difficult to understand with a grieving heart.

My husband is loving me unselfishly. He done everything to make me happy. I saw it. I saw how he made it sure that I know that he loves me so much. His everyday line is like “Have I told you today that I love you?” He never miss a day not to mention that line. And I know he doesn't want to leave me, but God is in control of everything. He knew the best for us. When Mike loves me unconditionally, why I am too selfish to let him be perfectly happy with God. Why I am selfish?

I wonder when God made Mike, was He seen about me? Does Jesus cares for me? God my heart is breaking. Can you please fix it? When God made Mike, surely he created me for him too.

Storm Over The Rainbow

Whosover think for the things you do not want to happen? Especially when you are in the peak of excitement, or happines that you and your behalf will be together at last, after many days or nights longing to be in each others arms. The only thing that we wish is to be side by side, together resolving problesm that might come, or hand in hand facing any strom to come. We don't wish for richness, but only God to lead us to have, maybe not a perfect home, but a family whom Jesus is the foundation.

Right now, I know and laready understand why this thing happened between me and my husband, but my heart is struggling to realize it. anyone could blame me if my heart denyiing it? I never expect things like this. We both are excited with the day of my arrival to his own place. He is or was excited to show me his way of living, his beautiful place with beautiful people he lived with.

Looking back, we were so amazed with things happened to our lives. It was seems unbelievable for us that after so many years of waiting and wanting each other, love moves for us with the blessing of our Almighty God. we were so happy that it seems only me and him exisiting in this world. We don't mind what other may thing or say about our extra sweetness, and vocal on what we felt for each other. He loves me. I love him. We love each other unconditionally.

When we are together. everyone seems looking at us, because they saw how love is too obvious in our faces. We don't see ugly things in our surrounding. Always are beautiful to us. Rain seems sunshine, and night is like a day. There are no storms, just rainbows. No dark sky, but with stars hanging to shine our world. Only lovely things we have seen through a colorful sky in our own small world, not until the storm comes across the rainbow.

Everything has changed. The world is so dark, except a lit shines at the end of the tunnel. It is the light of God assured me to follow it, and be out from this dark world.

The storm is over the rainbow. It covers its beautiful colors of red, or orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo or violet? What a beautiful spectrum of colors that suddenly vanish because on a kind of storm. But storm is so natural. God controls it. He let it to happen to renew the beauty of the earth. Is God wants to renew me also? Who can ask Him, when you knew that He will never be mistaken, or if you know that He is a perfect God? There is always a purpose that I might not have seen it right now. Yet, ahead of time there is a light at the end of the darkness.
It is a strong storm that covers our rainbow. Colors are become black that seems no bright reflection at all. Sun was hidden, even the stars in the night are nowhere. My heart is so pale, and grieving even I know, everything is temporary. I never know when our rainbow will come again. God is just watching me, with my husband looking down at me too. God know when to stop my tears, and it comfort me somehow that my beloved behalf is perfectly happy with him. Happiness that no one can give, even me but God. His arms are wide open accepting Mike in heaven. How my heart aches when I know he is in the perfect place? Am I too selfish?

Time heals, and am willing to wait that moment when God make my heart happy again. If when He will let my heart sings again, or to see that beautiful rainbow with an awe of His greatness. Let my heart mourning, just I let the storm passes through my sky. Let my tears rain just when the sky waters the dry land. After this storm over our rainbow, beautiful sky ways will appear in the wilderness.

God understands everything that happened to me, yet my heart is too broken to accept the reality. But He will mend it, through His grace and mercy. No one can tell, just Him to when to stop the storm over the rainbow that me and my husband had. No one can tell. God bless.